Blog to Stop Bullying, Abuse, and Violence
Abuse Articles, Bullying Statistics, Insights and Tips
Although there are more anti-bullying programs, Matt's Safe School Law in Michigan and other state laws in the USA to stop bullying, school bullying has increased by 50% in the past decade. When we first started our Abuse Bites program in 2005-2006 1 out of 10 students were bullied, now it's 1 in 5. I often hear that anti-bullying programs make bullying worse, yet our presentations encourage and empower others to make a positive change and break the victim mentality from their lives so everyone can survive a bullying encounter. Our program has been proven to bring change in 89% of those surveyed who were either bullied or bullying. "Change You, Change Your World," Lisa Freeman says. Read the reviews!
With all the roar about school bullying or kids being bullied in school, parents are blaming schools and school officials for the bullying problem. We tend to think that's where the bullying problem lies--within the four walls of our schools. If that were true, that would be a simple solution to this devastating problem that is taking lives at a rapid rate every day in our communities.
But bullying isn't just in the schools and something our kids face each day, bullies are everywhere, in our churches, our work places, and even our homes.
Bullying is a huge problem that takes community effort to resolve. Most bullying occurs due to jealousy and the bully wanting to control others. Bullies have often been bullied or abused themselves, so therefore they act out. Some do it to get or have friends. Others think they are merely joking, and aren't aware that they are hurting people. Bystanders are bully too, by witnessing bullying, walking away, and doing nothing to help the target or victim and so the bullying cycle continues.
So let's be proactive and Stop Bullying In Every Realm:
1. Parents Can Stop Abuse/Bullying/and Violence
a. Beware of your words-- do not verbally bash other people
b. If you accept others-- your kids will too
c. If you lash out in violence-- your kids will too
d. Talk to your children about bullying (physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, peer pressure) and explain that hurtful jokes, leaving others out, or not accepting those different from them is a form of bullying.
e. If your child is the victim/target of bullying at school, report it and try to work with your child's school, but if at any time you don't feel comfortable with the way the school is handling the problem, you can switch schools or have them schooled at home and have a tutor come in.
f. Never approach the child who has been bullying your child or their parents, always contact the school or authorities.
g. If you have a bully in your home who is out of control seek outside help.
h. Individual and family counseling is always a good place to start when trying to stop abusive or bullying behaviors.
i. If your spouse is being violent, you may have to make a safety plan and escape with the children until that person gets the help and healing they need.
2. Schools Can Stop Bullying, Abuse, and Violence
a. By admitting there is bullying (most schools deny they have a problem)
b. By having a bullying policy in place and enforcing that as well as anti-bullying laws set up by that state
c. Act quickly on any and all bullying reports
d. Work with students and parents and listen carefully to both sides
e. Consider a private way for students to report bullying through email or text so kids can report in a safe, user friendly way
f. Don't expose the victim or bully, but rather find a solution to the bullying problem that will satisfy all parties involved
g. Understand that bullying often leads to retaliation when not handled immediately, and realize that many times victims are punished when they are forced to lash out because they feel as it was their only choice--many times it's the victims/targets who are punished and not the bully.
h. Take advantage of anti-bullying programs like Abuse Bites that encourage and empower students and family, as well as school staff to break the victim mentality, help bullies change, and help bystanders to speak up. We're working with you, not against you.
i. Many schools are being sued because of bullying that is not handled and dealt with and leads up to a child committing suicide. Prevent suicide by educating your students through programs like ours at Abuse Bites. We are passionate about changing hearts and saving lives.
Let us help you by working together to make our schools, homes, and communities a safer place. Contact us Today
3. Employees Can Stop Bullying, Abuse, Violence, and Harassment in the Workplace
a. By watching what you say-- never talk bad about someone else, next time they may be talking about you
b. Report all forms of abuse, bullying, violence and harassment to the manager/head boss
c. Don't use your position to bully others.
d. Maintain a friendly attitude to even those who tend to bully
e. Seek counseling or medical attention to deal with illness or stress caused by bullying
f. Do not let the bully know they are getting to you
g. Seek another job if possible
h. Ask to be moved to another area if possible
i. Do not retaliate--revenge always escalates the bullying problem
4. Churches can stop abuse, bullying, and violence
a. By realizing bullying is a problem even in the church
b. By not being silent and letting it fester and grow
c. By speaking up and educating and empowering their congregations
d. By meeting with those involved and working out a resolution that works for everyone
e. By supporting and offering counseling to those who have abuse, bullying or violent problems
f. By offering help/change to the bully, victim/target through programs like Abuse Bites
g. By loving as Jesus loved, no prejudices, equality and acceptance of all
h. By helping bullies to find their gifts and callings so they can make the transformation
i. By being patient and loving to nurture growth, yet being firm and enforcing anti-bullying policies
j. By realizing that God is the one who does the complete transformation, in his timing, and his way
When we stay silent, more innocent victims suffer.
"I will not be silenced," Motivational Speaker and Michigan Bully Expert, Lisa Freeman says. "We have to raise our voices or more people will be victimized, murdered, or commit suicide. We are killing our own. This is insane.
"We live in the USA. Have we forgotten our freedom, our amendments, our constitution? America was founded on equality. And diversity is what has made America thrive. Yet today, families are barely surviving.
"I tell everyone to look through the eyes of a child. Kids do not realize any differences until someone points them out. If a child hears someone say this child or person is ugly, then they begin to see what others may define as ugly in that person. This is done with weight, race, those with disabilities, with gender, and a variety of other differences.
"My heart sank when I received a letter this week from a concerned mother whose 8th grade son is being bullied in school by a teacher and principal because of his weight. The thing is, this same boy was bullied in 7th grade by these same two professionals and pulled out of public schools and home schooled. However, the teen lost over 60 pounds, so he wanted to return to school. Sadly, the same bullying occurred. Now mom has been forced to pull him out of school yet again. Even sadder the superintendent will not return her calls, the local media refuses to share her story, two attorneys have turned her down, and she feels horribly victimized herself.
"Bullying would not go this far, if we addressed it for what it is.
"Bullying is a community problem. The biggest problem today is that the bullies are often being protected and allowed to keep bullying others, while in fact the victims are made to pay and suffer in silence. This should not be happening. Shame on us. We are putting Matt's safe school law to shame as well. Come on wake up!
"Our program works with schools, teachers, principals, parents, and students to bring a solution to every victim/target, every bystander, and every bully. The solution is not slapping a bully's hand or trying to put a band-aid on bullying; the solution is bringing equality to every human being in every community while embracing diversity.
Lisa Freeman is an educational motivational speaker from Owosso, Michigan who is passionate about youth and family. She specializes in abuse, bullying, and recovery. She is the founder and president of Abuse Bites and the Healing Projects Specialist for the Bully Police USA. She offers interactive anti-bullying assemblies in schools, anti-bullying workshops in the work place, anti-bullying conferences in communities, and anti-bullying seminars in churches. Contact her today to help with your next event.
GET THE STATS
ON BULLYING and VICTIMIZATION:
A whopping 77% of students today in the USA admit that they have been or are a victim of bullying.
That is more than 3/4 of our young people!
BULLYING STATS 8 YEARS AGO VS NOW:
- 8 YRS AGO: 1 out of 10 students who were bullied.
- TODAY those stats have grown by more than 50%.
- 1 out of 4 students have reported being bullied and this is just in school.
School Bullying and Victimization Causes:
- Poor Grades
- Absence / Quitting School
- Low Self Esteem
- Retaliation/ Revenge
- Suicide and/or Murder
What about at home? In the community? At church?
Although there are not statistics on this type of bullying, we see the effects of this in our every day life: marriages break up, families move away, and often even feel pressured into leaving their church due to bullying and victimization.
Yes, sadly bullying happens everywhere--even in the workforce.
1/3 of adults who are employed admit they are victims of bullying.
Workplace Bullying and Victimization Causes:
- Low production
- Physical and Mental Illness
- High Turnover
- Higher Medical Costs
- Hostile Work Environment
- Losing Valuable Employees
- Suicide and/or Murder
-STOP Bullying Behaviors
-START Empowering Your School, Work Place, Church, Community
-BREAK Victim Mentality
-SURVIVE and Thrive
Motivational Speaker and Michigan Bullying Expert, Lisa Freeman, would love to partner with you to stop bullying behaviors in your school, workplace, community, and church. She holds empowering seminars, workshops and assemblies for all ages, academically, professionally, and even religiously. Let her help you break the victim mentality today and help your team not only survive but thrive and excel in life. Contact Lisa Freeman
When we first began educating students in schools on bullying in 2006:
-1 in 10 students were bullied
TODAY According to a report from the National Education Association bullying has escalated. Now:
-1 out of 3 students in grades 6-10 are bullied
-6 out of 10 teenagers are bullied regularly in school
These Statistics are based on 2004-2007 Reports:
-Most bullying occurs on breaks, before or after school
-9 out of 10 LBGT are bullied
-Students interviewed about bullying felt that school officials acted poorly to bullying
-Girls who are bullied are 8 times more likely to commit suicide
-Boys who are bullied are 4 times more likely to commit suicide
-1 teen commits suicide every 30 minutes due to bullying
-Bullies are actually more at risk for being violent to family members and committing suicide
-Suicide is one of the top 3 leading causes of death among teenagers
Did you know that...
-50% of Bullying can be prevented
-If things keep going like they have been more we will see bullying continue to escalate and young people continue to commit suicide and murder others
-Students need a Change--we cannot keep doing things the same
-Our workshops have been proven to bring about change in 89% of students overall
-In our workshops/assemblies we offer help, healing, and a solution for all: targets, bystanders and bullies
Lisa Freeman is a Motivational Youth Speaker from Owosso, Michigan. She empowers students through educational school assemblies where she involves students in games, scenarios, and demonstrations to give them practical ways to defeat bullying, break their victim mentalities, help bullies, challenge bystanders, and motivate all to strive for unity and become productive survivors!
How To Handle A Bully
Jeremiah (above) was nearly a victim of bullycide. He was bullied, harrassed, teased and threatened in high school. Now he sings to help others.
So who's your bully?
Chances are if you answered this question it could be the person cyber bullying you on facebook, via text, or maybe a person bullying you at work, school, or in your neighborhood. You might even have a bigger brother or sister who bullies you from time to time. Maybe you’re abused by a close friend or relative.
Growing up my bully changed from person to person. I was even the bully myself for a time. My children have had their share of bullies too, and some of them have even bullied others. We even had a bully dog. And quite often still I work with both bullies and bully dogs.
Most people wanna know… why bullies bully? How to prevent a bully from bullying? Where to get help for bullies?
To answer all these questions I believe we must first understand a bully. By getting inside their head and seeing how they think, we can get inside their heart to change the way they behave.
Think Like A Bully:
I’ve been hurt, abused, bullied and let down, and no one helped me, so it must be okay to hurt others.
I have to do it to get friends, protect myself so no one bullies me.
Sometimes I’m jealous of what others have.
Sometimes I like to pick on someone to make my friends laugh.
Sometimes I just want what someone else has.
I do it for the power it gives me.
Most Bullies Don’t Know
-how much they hurt their victim or target
-the true effects of their bullying behavior
-that they can change with the right help
-that other people care for them
-how to stop the abuse cycle once it starts
-they’ll still be liked and accepted if they change
How We Handled Our Bully:
At a recent anti-bullying rally, after I spoke, my son's bully from high school came up and apologized to our entire family. He thought it was no big deal all those years and went about his life, while my son was suicidal. I could have been angry and bitter with this young man, but instead, I got into his heart. Filled with love and compassion, I pulled him into my arms and said, “It’s okay. I forgive you.”
*Bottom line: we offer help for victims, bystander, and bullies. We bring EMPOWERMENT and CHANGE to every school assembly and community workshop. We offer activities for kids and play fun indoor games with teens to teach them empathy, acceptance, and the importance of diversity, to show them how to stop bullying, abuse, and violence. Please let us help you and your youth. We Stop bullying in schools and communities in Michigan and throughout the USA.
Since Matt's Law, the new anti-bullying law passed in Michigan, it seems as though bullying and bully prevention actually got swept under the rug! What a slam in the Epling's face! They have worked so hard for years to bring this about!
Bullying Statistics Say:
-Every 7 minutes a child is bullied on the school playground
*Adult Intervention 4%/ Student Intervention 11%/ NO INTERVENTION 85%
-1 out of 4 teens are bullied
-1 out of 5 kids admit to bullying / being a bully
-1/3 of students surveyed say they heard someone threaten to kill someone
-2 out of 3 students say they know how to make a bomb
Parents and students from all over Michigan have come to me on a regular basis, reporting horrendous bullying in their schools and asking what to do. Of course I'm not big on the law or legislation, but I am big on compassion and love as both a parent of kids who were bullied and being a victim myself. I was a bully too, I'm not going to lie. But today I'm healed, and offer that same hope and healing to others.
By coming to your community, church or school and doing our fun, educational, interactive workshops for kids, teens and adults; victims, bystanders and even bullies can be set free! Bullying can stop--at least at the level we see it today! Bullying is just a behavior. Most of the bullies just need to feel empathy and to have someone connect with their side of the bullying spectrum. We can do that.
Most of the complaints from parents and students that I received over the past year started with simple bullying, but then because there were no programs in place for prevention and safety methods, the bullying continued and escalated. Students lives were threatened. They became suicidal. Teen suicide is huge. It almost happened to us! It could happen to you!
Let us help you! Under Matt's Law your school is required to have an anti-bullying program in place and to have special speakers on bullying come in to educate their staff and students. We'd love to come. Give us the name of your school, your principle, as well as their address, email, and phone number and we'll do all the work!
What is your school doing to protect your children from bullying and bullies? We'd love to hear both sides of the spectrum -- good and bad. Maybe your child is a bully and you don't know what to do. We'd love to hear from you too and get you and them the help that is needed.
School Violence is Huge, But together we can Stop Bullying, Abuse, and Violence!
Lisa Freeman is a Motivational Bully Speaker in Michigan. Everyone in her family, even the dogs, were bullied or the bully. They have healed. As a Keynote Speaker on bullying, she shares their stories of survival and healing, in a fun, educational, interactive program called Abuse Bites. Please click here to check out their workshops and seminars
*Bullying Statistics Info gathered from Stomp Out Bullying Website @ http://www.stompoutbullying.org/aboutbullying_theissue.php
I love to joke around and laugh more than anyone. But I realize now, that what I may view as funny, may be the brunt of someone else's pain. It took me some time to see that many of my jokes were hurtful insults to others.
If we look at comedians today like Larry the Cable Guy, Eddie Murphy, George Lopez, and many others, their stand up shows all have one thing in common--they're belittling or bullying someone to make others laugh. Don't get me wrong, these are some of my favorites. BUT while their jokes can be hysterically funny, not everyone is amused... no, rather abused.
Pranks are funny too. I've played pranks and practical jokes on nearly everyone I've known. Most of them pranks were harmless. But a prank that happened recently in West Branch Michigan to a high school student, Whitney Kropp, wasn't so innocent. No, her pranksters set out to embarrass, humiliate and chastise her in front of her whole school.
They nominated her for homecoming court as a practical joke. A teenage prank. Seemed innocent enough. They'd all get a good laugh.
Whitney learned of the prank and was horrifically humiliated and even wanted to end her precious life. Her pranksters probably thought they had the upper hand. What a joke!
BUT thankfully, her school, her city, and her entire community came together to support her and she defeated her bullies and won! She didn't retaliate, she simply stood up for herself, and she wore her crown proudly that night!
Now the whole world is supporting her!
My hearts cry is that every school, city, and community would stand together like this against all forms of bullying and set the innocent victims free.
Whitney Kropp is a SURVIVOR!
Bullies, the joke is on you!
What would you do for your friends? Lie? Steal? Cover up for them? Take the blame? Murder?
All any of us want in life is to be loved and accepted by someone. We don't always know when 'fake friends' are taking advantage of us or using us. So, many times, we'll do whatever it takes just to be included. I know I did.
I let my so-called friends talk me into everything; skipping school, smoking, drinking, drugs, stealing, running away, sleeping around, etc. That's crazy! I didn't want to do any of it, but because my 'friend' wanted me to, I did.
Last night I watched "The Bling Ring," about these teen wannabe's in Hollywood who used a new kid with a panic disorder to help them break into all the celebrities homes and steal their goods. At the end, when everyone was arrested, the boy that was lured into the whole thing said, "I didn't do it for the money. I did it because I had friends. I've never had friends. And I liked how I felt when I was with them--I was a different person."
Now they are all facing prison time!
Recently I spoke to two different mothers who have special needs boys, who just turned adults. Both boys share pretty much the same story. They had been lured by a young teen girl saying she was 18, and that she liked them, wanted to go with them, and wanted them to do sexual things with her and her friends. Of course, these boys, given their mentality (functioning at only a 10 year old's age level) jumped at the chance to have a real relationship with someone. The girls videotaped the event and have not only made these boys a laughingstock in the community, but now they are facing prison time as well!
Even movies portray that you have to be a certain person or look a certain way to get the hot chicks!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Too bad the movies have it all wrong. True love is not found in a person's looks or position they hold, or the abilities they have, NO it's found much deeper--in the heart!
I raised four children with varying disabilities. Between them they had dyslexia, learning disabilities, Asperger's Syndrome, emotional impairments, bi-polar, panic, schizophrenia, heart condition, ADD, ADHD, not to mention OCD and ODD. None of them had many real friends growing up. Many times they were lured into giving their money and prized possessions away. Even as adults, now, people still try to use them, but I've educated them to be on the look out about such friends.
Today people with disabilities are increasingly becoming victims of what is called "Mate Crime" where fake friends take advantage of, hurt, and sometimes even murder them. These fake friends show up when these individuals get their disability checks and finagle them out of their funds. Some have even moved into their homes and lived off them!
Worse yet, one innocent victim, Stephen Hoskin (below), a man from the UK with learning disabilities, was tortured to the point of death by his fake friends. Stephen was taken to a viaduct where he was forced to hang by his fingers from railings, then they stamped on his hands, which caused him to fall 100 ft to his death. Tragically 90% of mate crimes go unreported, due to those with disabilities keeping it a secret because they want friends and will do anything to keep them! (Read Full Story)
This story and others only prove that we must work even harder to educate our disabled children, our community, and those who could and should protect them! Together we can stop abuse, change hearts, and save lives!
We held an Anti-Bullying Rally in Flint yesterday!
Rocking the Violence Out Of Flint was amazing!
Ryan LoRee from Team Revelation Gym put the event together. He had talked to some people out at Walmart when we were doing our fundraising event there and that's when he got in touch with us about speaking and doing our Abuse Bites presentation. Anything to team up with others to stop abuse, bullying and violence!
Together we can do this!
Ryan (above) founded Team Revelation a non-profit judo/wrestling type place to give free instructions and mentoring to troubled kids and youth! Kudos Ryan!
Ryan's two beautiful little girls fell in love our Yorkie, Lover.
This little boy stopped to play with Lover.
The boy's little sister was afraid of dogs...
At first she even turned her head away and wouldn't look at him...
But then I actually got her to play with Lover!
Great Things Happened All Day! And we met some really amazing people!
The Judge William Crawford (right) and a Respite Volunteer from a local shelter.
A lady & her daughter are entering our Free Book Drawing! We donated a whole box of books so that everyone who entered could win!
Judge Crawford stayed longer than he intended just to do the special honor of signing Brian's Memory Quilt! It was a very emotional moment!
The man behind the judge is making a documentary about this event.
We played some fun interactive games!
These Kids Learned How to FIGHT BACK to Stop Bullying!
Then I had the privilege of sharing "The Change Of Heart Program" in memory of my precious son, Brian. And I could not believe the results! People were coming up to me, one by one, telling me what a difference my speech made in their lives. WOW!
This young man came up after and confessed he had been a bully until the 8th grade, but had since asked forgiveness from his victims. He also explained that he often spent the night at his cousins house when he was younger and they would bully him and his brother, so he thought he had to fight like them to be cool. I gave him a hug and thanked him for sharing.
Another young man had a shirt on that said "I love Haters" and he was so loving, but said to me, "I shouldn't have worn this shirt probably to something like this." I said, "I love your shirt, and I love Haters too! With people like you and I they will learn to be Lovers!" And he gave me a hug! He works with the Reach program to help troubled youth.
A woman came up and thanked me. She said her husband wasn't going to attend the event at all, but at the last minute changed his mind. Later he told her, "I think I was meant to here this lady speak, it really touched my heart." This man had been bullied and abused his entire life!
Several others thanked me as well and were really happy about what we're doing.
But the grand finale and best part is when Jeremiah sang, "We Are The Body" by Casing Crowns. It's the first time in quite awhile he's sang in front of a crowd.
Just to think, a month ago he nearly committed suicide, but God spared him and is using him once again to change hearts and save lives! This is one proud mamma, excited about taking this message forth!
Thanks Ryan Loree, Team Revelation, and The Bridge Church for allowing us this great opportunity to present at your 1st Rocking the Violence Out of Flint Benefit! May we do even more awesome things together next year!
Fighting abuse, bullying and violence can be a very long, lonely road at times. Many times the advocate can still take the brunt of bullying to try to push through prejudice barriers and strongholds. This hasn't been an easy battle for me, but it has been rewarding to see the CHANGED HEARTS & SAVED LIVES!
Yesterday, we celebrated the Abuse Bites 3rd Annual CHANGE Benefit! Although not a lot of people came out, due to another awesome event in town being planned for the same day and time, it was a success!
Success can be measured in a variety of ways, not just how many people came to our event or how much money was raised. I was a 7th grade middle school drop out, abused runaway, who was kidnapped, beaten, raped, forced into human trafficking, and nearly killed many times. Later I suffered through two horrifically abusive marriages (one physical, the other sexual and psychological).
BUT, after all that, at the age of 26 God healed me, delivered me, restored me, and called me to be a warrior. That's the day I STARTED FIGHTING THIS WAR ON ABUSE, BULLYING AND VIOLENCE. I've overcome many obstacles in my path such as post traumatic stress syndrome, panic and agoraphobia. Then I went onto college, graduated with a degree in Christian Ministry, became an award winning author, certified pet therapist and dog trainer, founded two non-profits, raised over $20,000 for needy and abused people and pets, And I'm not finished yet!
Although these have been great successes, the biggest success is knowing that when we go into the schools and communities to do our CHANGE workshops, that more than 85% of the students and even adults stand and come forth, deciding to make a change in their own lives, and knowing they can be the CHANGE for others!
Abuse, Bullying and Violence is all about making a CHANGE in our own lives, to impact others. Won't you stand with us today and be that CHANGE?
Now a word of thanks to all the angels who helped bring this about!
Special thanks goes out to our Volunteers like Ashley Thornton (below), who is so passionate to help, that even though she had a sprained ankle, she showed up and gave it her all! Thanks Ashley! We love and appreciate you!
Special Thanks to Thomas Dignan!
A great man of our community, Thomas Dignan, even found time in his busy schedule to come out and support us. Why? Because he's passionate about changing hearts and saving lives and stopping bullying!
Thank you Thom! You've got my vote!
Adults and kids alike received awesome prices thanks to our awesome sponsors.
Thank you Bob Evans...
Thanks Plush Pup...
Our children guests thank DONNA'S REFLECTIONS...
Everyone loved the Prime Time Pizza & Bread!
and we thank GiGi's for the Drinks!
Of course we give special thanks to The 401 South Restaurant
for their Delicious Cookies!
And kudos to the other great sponsors like Big John Steak & Onion, Maurices, Treasures, Jumbo's, Gilbert's True Value, Janelle's Family Restaurant, Mancinos, Crave Bakery, Wendy's, Burger King, Capitol Bowl, and Crave!
and to the Glo Kids Team for the Carnival & Face Painting!
Together we are all CHANGING hearts and saving lives!